I was 21 years old when I delivered my first born Avery. I would not consider myself to have been very educated on the birthing process, I planned to follow suit with my mom and my sisters and deliver in a hospital, while most likely using the drugs, because quite frankly I didn't really know there was any other way. The beginning of my pregnancy was ideal, no morning sickness and I had a lot of energy. I chose my OB based off a recommendation of my sister in law who had delivered with him and raved about what a great doctor he was. He had needed to deliver her baby via c-section (I'm not sure of the reason why) and he was one of the top rated doctors in the state for Cesarean deliveries, he even had a special stitch he used called the "Barrong Stitch" nice because it was half the size of most stitches and he preferred to take the baby low so as not to leave a noticeable line for bikini season. In hind sight these facts would have all been a bit of a red flag for me, but in my ignorance I nodded and smiled and ultimately chose him as my doctor because I didn't want to hurt her feelings by going a different route. DUMB, that's what I was.
The first trimester passed quickly, I was working and kept busy. The second trimester things started to get interesting (in the not good way) I went in for my routine Glucose test, I failed the first time so went in for the three hour test, I barely passed but they decided it was fine. Around that same time I had high blood pressure when I went in for my appointments. The nurse practitioner who I saw EVERY SINGLE TIME (I only saw my doctor 3 times this pregnancy) was nearing retirement and I frequently commented to Adam how she seemed pretty checked out of things; she would have me lie down after my blood pressure was taken and wait 20 minutes and then she would come take it again and found it was normal. No problem there. I told her frequently that high blood pressure ran in my family and that both my paternal Grandmother and aunt had had Preeclampsia and I knew this was a symptom. She informed me that we don't know much about this condition but what we do know leads us to believe that it's not hereditary. I call BULL CRAP. Still I pushed through, I didn't tell my parents or really even Adam that I had high blood pressure because my nurse practitioner told me I didn't. But I started to feel really horrible. I honestly cannot even describe the complete exhaustion lethargic effect that begins to take place.
By my third trimester I was in a state of complete denial about how bad I was feeling. My mom came out to spend time with me a few weeks before Avery's due date, Adam was out in the field for work and we went to the commissary, got lunch and spent that last bit of mother daughter time before baby arrived. She commented that I wasn't looking well and told me to be sure and tell Adam to be ready because I could deliver any time. I heeded her advice and we put a plan of action into place in case I went into labor while he was hours away. About a week before Avery was born I went to Manito Park to walk around, I was swollen as could be I literally couldn't bend my ankles or wrists without there being a crease afterwards and my eyes looked tiny in comparison to the rest of my face, but my nurse kept telling me walking around would help so I did. While at the park this friendly old women came up to me and asked me a few questions regarding my condition. I told her how I was feeling and she then told me she was very concerned for my health. Come to find out she was a mid wife and she told me that she thought I needed to go in and see my doctor immediately, I thanked her went home and called the office. They told me to come in on my regularly scheduled appointment which was 7 days away.
3 days before my due date I woke up in the middle of the night with contractions that were what I considered extremely painful. I got up and took a bath to see if they continued at the same pace and to my delight they started coming faster. I woke up Adam and we headed to the hospital. Because it was 4 ish in the morning we had to be checked in through the emergency room. They did a vaginal exam and I was only 3 centimeters dilated and she was about to send me home with the ER nurse thought it would be a good example to get a urine sample from me. Upon analysis she discovered I had protein in my urine and they promptly checked me in. They had me set up in the labor and delivery room and were hooking me up to monitors and calling the anesthesiologist to administer my epidural when Avery's heart rate dropped off the monitor. They stopped everything and had me start rolling onto my side, nothing happened so they had me roll onto the other side during which process my water broke. I commented to the nurse at the foot of my bed that my water had broken and she replied "are you sure you didn't just pee yourself" Uh seriously? Aren't you the one with a medical degree here?? I know what it feels like to pee and that's not what just happened here. Regardless they told me at this point to get onto my hands and knees while they simultaneously put the fetal monitor onto Avery's head, as soon as I was in position with no warning the side rails came up and they started rushing me down the hallway. Adam was running after me when someone stopped him and pushed him into another room. No one was telling me what was happening and I was so afraid for Avery panic took over, I couldn't breath and started hyperventilating. Nurses were screaming at me to calm down and two people lifted me onto the operating table and tore off my gown to start marking my stomach for an emergency c-section. An oxygen mask was thrown onto my face and I was cold and scared. Finally a friendly nurse came to the head of my bed and stroked my cheek while telling me what was happening. They couldn't find Avery's heart rate and were afraid he was in distress and if he didn't come out right away both of us could die. She explained that I had to quit crying (I wasn't aware I was) so they could put the breathing tube down my throat, they couldn't wait for me to be unconscious for this. A few seconds later I was counting back to 1 and I was asleep. I woke up 2 hours later and was allowed to hold my son another hour after that. He had been bathed, fed, and had already met his grandparents all while I was recovering.
Avery was born full term, 6 pounds and clearly malnourished. It turns out I had most certainly had preeclampsia and the doctor who delivered Avery (not my OB) estimated that he had not been receiving nutrition from my placenta for more then a month. All things considered he said, "I was very lucky to not have went into early labor and died while trying to deliver him". Another nurse told my husband while she thought I was sleeping, "If you hadn't gotten your wife here before her water broke your son would have died." Needless to say I know he is a blessing sent from Heavenly Father and kept safe through this terribly scary ordeal.
Now a few thoughts on my experience after having researched, birthed another child, and figured out how I wish things would have gone...
1) I had a legitimate through and through truer then true EMERGENCY c-section
-I was not given a choice. I was not given an hour to think it over. My husband was not in the room. I was put completely under. It was DANGEROUS. It was MAJOR SURGERY. The recovery time was long and painful. I could hardly get out of my bed to feed my son for more then a month after his birth. Would I have chosen a c-section if I had a choice. NO. For anyone who thinks its more convenient to deliver your child this way think again. Do some research and think again. I will say this, I would rather have a vagina stretched out as wide as a bowling ball then go through that hell again.
2) Your mommy instinct is a real thing, a gift from God. Listen to it!
-I know that I had multiple moments throughout this pregnancy where I knew something was wrong, no one wanted to listen to me but I should have pushed harder. Maybe if I had things would have turned out differently.
3) Not everyone is fit to have a natural at home birth, but there are still benefits to educating yourself, and using a midwife who will advocate for you.
-Again, hind sight is 20 20...I don't believe that I am a candidate for home birth. After the birth of my second child I had to accept that honestly my body is not fully equipped for child birthing or for sustaining the life of my child through breastfeeding afterwards. But I am a firm believer that had I had a midwife working with me through the hospital my needs would have been addressed a lot sooner then when I was walking into the delivery room.
I love both of my children, and my birth stories are what they are. They happened and there is no going back or changing them. But what I know now is that if we are blessed with a third child I will be educating myself, I will be choosing my doctor with great care and they will be willing to work with a midwife who deals with high risk pregnancies. The birth of your children is the most blessed and beautiful moment of your life, or it should be, I am a prime example of someone who may never get to experience things the natural way it was intended to be. But it could sure as hell be a lot better then the experiences I did have. But it is up to me. I have to advocate for myself and my children because no one else can or should.
No comments:
Post a Comment