Gratitude.

Gratitude is a special word in my life, a word that I try to utilize on a daily basis. Through many experiences in my life I have simply learned that having a spirit of gratitude and being thankful for the countless blessings I have in my life is a happier way of living then constantly thinking of the bad hands life has dealt me, and trust me...there have been a few. Sometimes though, sometimes it's really hard to stay focused on the positives. Most days I am really happy and grateful, but these days sneak up on me where I am overwhelmingly sad that I am not going to bear anymore children in this life. Today was one of those days.

It happens unexpectedly, as I watch Avery and Makenna interact with each other and grow closer together I can't help but ache for another child I feel strongly could have been. Tonight I went to a party for a wonderful couple in our ward who are going through the process of Invetro to begin their family. Listening to her explain the painful process she has been through this far, and hearing that even with all this and medication and raising money for the expensive procedure there is still a chance that it wont work. I cannot think of two more deserving people to have a family, and here I am feeling sorry for myself that I only get to have two. But as I drove home with tears in my eyes I realized that just because I have days where I am sad and left wanting doesn't mean that I am not grateful to my Father in Heaven. It doesn't make me a bad person. It makes me human. I may never completely get over this but I know that because of my Savior I am not alone in the pain and sadness that I feel. I will forever be grateful for the beautiful days I get to spend with my two special gifts from God. I don't know if we will adopt or foster down the road, but right now I know that if I focus on my marriage, my children, and my loving Savior I can get through any sad day. So please don't forget to snuggle your children extra tight tonight, for those who don't have children yet, who can't have children, and who don't get anymore children.